


In Search of Life

by hurlinkandwit



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Falling In Love, HAROLD THEY'RE LESBIANS, Hogwarts, Newt and Tina are professors, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Newt Scamander, newtina, this fic is partly fueled by the pleasure I find in knowing that JK Rowling would hate this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26227366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hurlinkandwit/pseuds/hurlinkandwit
Summary: In the year 1957, Natalia Scamander (who goes by Newt) and Tina Goldstein meet at Hogwarts as newly-hired professors.***"never go in search of love,go in search of life,and life will find you the love you seek."-atticus
Relationships: Tina Goldstein/Newt Scamander
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. The Wedding Reception

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a rewrite of my half-finished fic of the same name (which I deleted from Ao3 and replaced with this one).

> "Change was incessant, and change perhaps would never cease."
> 
> -Virginia Woolf, _Orlando_

July 1957

The band plays louder than thunder as couples swing around on the dance floor. Tina enters the room once again and dodges past guests, eyes scanning the crowd for Queenie before she bumps into an empty table at the edge of the dance floor and nearly witnesses a daisy centerpiece’s demise. She watches it wobble and settle back into place before she lets out a relieved puff of breath and continues on her journey, eyes dazzled by the millions of fairy lights hanging from the ceiling.

She pauses near a group of second cousins (from the Goldstein side), making sure that they are behaving themselves. No magic in sight. Good. But their conversation is much too slurred to be considered entirely sober. Tina puts on a nervous smile, internally repeating, ‘Nobody is going to do anything stupid. Nobody is going to do anything stupid’ as she walks away. Queenie and Jacob had insisted on inviting everyone; No-Majs and wizardkind together, so, here they all are. Tina just hopes she won’t have to cast any emergency memory charms.

Her eyes land on Queenie just as Tina feels a hand close over her arm. The contact makes her spin around to see Aunt Beatrice, who sports a poodle cut and a horrid green dress.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you!”

Her aunt’s voice has a distinct aesthetic to it that Tina could only describe after she saw the No-Maj film _Peter Pan_. Aunt Beatrice speaks like an aged Wendy Darling who’s gone hoarse from disciplining children all her life. She looks delicate, but her tone proves otherwise, and she’s always in the mood to mother anyone she meets.

Tina and Queenie went to live with Aunt Beatrice and her husband, Uncle Jimmy, when their parents got sick and died the summer after Tina’s first year at Ilvermorny. They lived with them until a year after Tina had finished assistant teaching, and Queenie graduated from Ilvermorny.

“Well, you found me,” Tina replies in what she hopes is a lighthearted attitude.

“I want to meet your date! Where is he?” Aunt Beatrice says as she reaches into her purse and pulls out a cigarette. Tina blinks.

“My date?”

“Yes, your date!”

The cigarette lights to life.

“I don’t have a date. I was—”

“Really? I could have sworn you said you were bringing a date.” Aunt Beatrice frowns. “A pretty, young woman like you coming alone to a wedding? That’s not right at all.”

She takes a drag. Tina clears her throat, hesitating. She’s used to her aunt’s concerns but isn’t in the mood for a lecture.

“I’m going to go talk to—”

“Tina, listen to me, honey. I know it must have come as a disappointment when your sister got engaged. After all, you’re the oldest. It was supposed to be you who got married first.”

Tina opens her mouth to disagree, but there is no interrupting her aunt.

“But there are plenty of men out there!” Smoke billows around Aunt Beatrice’s head. “And you’re not going to find one if you’re sitting alone in that apartment waiting for him to knock on your door. That’s not how it works, sweetie.”

“I’m not—”

“Oh! There’s Charlotte! Excuse me, Teen.”

She’s gone in less than a second, leaving Tina with her annoyance and the smell of cigarette smoke.

***

Queenie wears a white lace dress with a skirt that trails from her waist to the ground. The sleeves comprise intricate floral lacework, and the veil she wears cascades from her short, curly golden hair. She stands next to her husband, fingers intertwined with his. Jacob is in a morning suit he rented for the occasion. They’re both speaking to his father as Tina approaches them. Queenie slips away and greets Tina with a hug.

“Where did you go?” Queenie asks as they let go of each other.

“I wandered around for a bit, and then I ran into Auntie.”

“Did she say something about your hair again?” Queenie nods toward Tina’s pixie cut.

“No, she just wanted to hear about my love life.”

Queenie laughs.

“Don’t let her bother you.”

Tina shrugs, doing her best to smile.

“Having any trouble with all of these people here?”

Queenie shakes her head.

“It’s like a buzzing in my head now, so it’s not bothering me anymore.”

“Good,” Tina responds as the band starts up a new song.

“Come on!” Queenie exclaims, grabbing Tina’s hand.

“I’m a horrible dancer!”

“Oh, shut up, Teen! Just dance!”

The band’s singer croons:

_One night I was late, came home from a date_

_Slipped out of my shoes at the door_

_Then from the front room, I heard a jump tune_

_I looked in and here's what I saw_

They laugh whenever Tina stumbles over her own feet and nearly tumbles into other couples.

“I told you!” she shouts over the music.

Queenie rolls her eyes in response.

_A-one, two, and then rock_

_A-one, two, and then roll_

_A-one, two, and then jump_

_It's good for your soul_

_It's old but it's new_

_Let's do the rock and roll waltz_

“I haven’t heard this one before, but I like it!” Tina says.

“You should listen to No-Maj music more often!”

“I do listen to No-Maj music!”

“You only listen to Elvis!” Queenie laughs.

“Hey, I like Elvis!”

They quicken their pace, twirling faster and faster in a circle—their world a whir of fairy lights and blurry humans. Tina’s light blue tea-length dress whips against her legs. She hopes Queenie’s dress isn’t ripping or getting dirty.

_There in the night, what a wonderful scene_

_Mom was dancing with Dad to my record machine_

_And while they danced, only one thing was wrong_

_They were trying to waltz to a rock and roll song!_

Tina thinks about her parents—how much they would have enjoyed attending their daughter’s wedding—and wishes they could be there, dancing alongside them.

The song ends, and Tina embraces her sister, eyes wet.

“They would be so proud,” she says.

Queenie beams.

***

Tina finds her way to the bartender and asks for a firewhisky.

“A what now?”

“Firewhisky.”

The man stares at her as if she has asked for the moon and the stars. She frowns, wondering why he is so confused until she realizes he is a No-Maj.

“Never mind. I’ll have a glass of white wine.”

Tina notices Uncle Jimmy sitting at a table alone in the corner of the room. The band plays “Love Me Tender” as Tina dodges past people once again, drink in hand, and sits across from him.

Uncle Jimmy is bald, skinny, and wears glasses on his narrow nose that slip downward whenever he reads the newspaper (which he is currently doing). Queenie often says that Tina’s personality is similar to his, and she understands why. He’s reserved, and so is she.

 _The New York Ghost_ lies flat on the table. Tina squints, trying to read the article upside down.

“You used to do that when you were younger.”

She glances up at him, noticing his smile. She assumes that means he isn’t bothered by her company.

“I always read the newspaper upside down. Is there any other way?”

He chuckles at this. Tina smiles.

“So, Aunt Beatrice left you here all alone?”

“There’re people here she doesn’t see every day. I was surprised she spent the first five minutes with me.”

His tone indicates amusement about this aspect of his wife’s character. Tina wonders, not for the first time in her life, how two people with opposite personalities could work so well together.

She sips at her wine, catching glimpses of Jacob and Queenie dancing together as she remembers the first time the couple met. She visited Jacob’s bakery with Queenie, unaware she would soon witness the phenomenon of love at first sight. As soon as they approached the cash register to pay for their pastries, Tina knew Queenie was lost in love.

“You’re sad.”

Her uncle’s voice is barely audible over the ambiance of the reception. She sets her glass down and meets his eyes.

“Do I look sad?” she asks, annoyed at herself for how much emotion she puts into those four words. She doesn’t want to focus on herself. It’s Queenie’s night.

He nods once. Tina swallows the lump in her throat.

“I’m fine.”

His face is passive. She bites her lip.

“I saw you leaving earlier. You were crying.”

Tina sighs, lowering her gaze to her glass of wine.

“Do you think anyone else saw?” she asks.

“Probably not.”

Tina takes a deep breath.

“I’m just sad everything is changing. I don’t like change.”

“I know.”

She looks up. Uncle Jimmy’s tone hints at sympathy but contains traces of something else.

“Why do you sound disappointed?” she asks.

“I’m not disappointed.”

Tina hesitates and shrugs.

“I’m going to be fine.”

They don’t speak for a few minutes.

“Do you still work at Bellibrook's Books?”

Tina nods.

“So, you’re no longer planning on being a teacher?”

Tina folds her arms and leans back in her chair.

“I feel like I’m being interrogated,” she says, laughing with no real delight.

Uncle Jimmy smiles.

“I’m just worried about you, Teen.”

She stares at her wine glass for a long time. When she looks up, Uncle Jimmy is reading his newspaper again. She sighs.

“I do want to be a teacher. I really do. But Ilvermorny isn’t hiring, and I don’t know of any other schools nearby. And it’s easy at Bellibrook's, you know? I like working at the bookshop, so I don’t see why I should leave.”

Their eyes meet.

“Aren’t you that same girl who once kept a map on her bedroom wall and circled all the places she wanted to visit one day?”

He winks. Tina raises her eyebrows.

“You’re saying that I should leave New York?”

“I’m saying that if everything is changing, you should change with it.”

***

At eight in the evening, Queenie throws her bouquet, caught by one of her coworkers from MACUSA. After that, it’s time for Jacob and Queenie to leave.

Tina hugs them both goodbye, doing her best not to cry, and then they’re gone; off to Jacob’s apartment to grab their luggage and Disapparate to San Francisco where they will spend their honeymoon.

Tina uses a few spells to clean and pack up after the guests leave.

She goes home.

She makes herself a cup of tea.

She cries.

And then, she falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs referenced: "Rock and Roll Waltz" by Kay Starr, "Love Me Tender" by Elvis Presley


	2. Turnaround

> “High battlements of thought, habits that had seemed as durable as stone, went down like shadows at the touch of another mind and left a naked sky and fresh stars twinkling in it."
> 
> -Virginia Woolf, _Orlando_

Tina stares at Queenie’s sunlight-splattered bed with its untouched quilt and pristine pillows, replaying the previous night in her head. The trace of a song echoes in her thoughts, but she only remembers the tune, not the words. She hums, stretching her arms up toward the ceiling before the sound of tapping makes her jolt out of bed and dash out of the room, bare feet slapping on the hardwood floors.

In the living room, she tears the gossamer curtains apart to see her owl, Persephone, perched upon the windowsill behind the dirty glass. Her dark feathers glint with red hue as she hoots, lifting her wings to say hello. Tina opens the window.

“Good morning.”

Persephone hoots again and sticks out one of her legs; attached is _The New York Ghost_. After Tina frees Persephone from her burdens, the owl glides to the bedroom and then to her open cage in the kitchen corner. She tilts her head.

“Yeah, she’s gone, pretty girl.”

Persephone hoots again and eats Tina’s proffered owl treat.

***

The dregs of Tina’s Wheat Honeys lie soggy in a puddle of milk as she peruses the newspaper, attention caught by an article about the dangers of nuclear power in the hands of No-Majs. Her knee bounces up and down, heart racing from the thrill of caffeine.

“Hey, Queenie—”

She stops and looks up, realizing her funny mistake. The rest of the dining table seats are unoccupied, her only company a slumbering owl. She’s used to habitual breakfast conversation, the debates and discussions she used to have with her sister. But now, Queenie’s absence is occupied by honking cars on the street outside.

Tina takes another sip of her coffee and continues to read, knee bobbing.

***

It’s easier to accept the situation after nine o’clock (which is the time Queenie usually goes to work). Tina takes a long shower and dresses in black trousers and a white blouse. She dries her hair with a spell and ponders over putting on makeup, but the idea is distasteful today, so she leaves her face blank and places a locket around her neck. By ten, she’s out on the sidewalk, a light breeze pulling at her clothes.

It’s ten blocks to the Wizarding District, but it’s a lovely July morning, and she wants to walk. People bustle past her—shoulders brushing hers—off to various locations. Tina tries to discern the Wizarding folk from the No-Majs, but it’s difficult in New York—an antsville where it’s easy to blend in. She likes that.

Around fifteen minutes later, the smell of cotton candy signals her journey is coming to an end. She inhales deeply, reveling in the memories she has of the Wizarding District, one of the few places she remembers visiting with her parents before they died. They used to take her and Queenie there every Fourth of July to see the fireworks and eat ice cream. Now, she goes there every week.

One of the District’s entrances is inside a candy shop; the No-Maj kind with its array of sweets, including Dum Dum suckers, Hot Tamales, and candy necklaces. Most Wizarding folks don’t shop inside, uninterested in nonmagical candies. Still, Tina wanders for a few minutes and even buys a package of peanut M&Ms before she heads toward the back of the store where a flight of stairs leads to the ceiling.

There’s no trapdoor—no visible entrance to her destination. It looks as though someone once planned to create an upstairs but decided otherwise at the last second. A gaggle of No-Maj children runs past her, not even glancing at the out-of-place structure. Tina ascends the steps slowly, chewing a mouthful of chocolate as she breaks through the illusory barrier at the top. Dazzling sunlight and the smell of street food greets her.

The District is a collection of rooftops connected by bridges, populated by shops and supermarkets. Flourishing trees and gardens dot the area, welcoming the appreciative glances of those who stroll past. Tina joins the crowd of people milling along the brick ground, enjoying the view of the city: skyscrapers looming behind wispy clouds, birds flying past windows, flags fluttering in the wind.

She smiles.

Her uncle’s words come back to her: “...if everything is changing, you should change with it.” But they don’t feel right at this moment. Life is good here, despite a change that was bound to happen. She never expected to live with her sister for the rest of her life.

She’ll get used to living alone.

She’ll get another pet, maybe a cat or a dog.

She’ll continue working at the bookshop.

Her life is fulfilling as it is.

Tina enters one of the supermarkets.

***

After Tina buys groceries, owl treats, and a few odds and ends, she returns home to scarf down a leftover chicken salad sandwich from the wedding reception, and then she’s out the door again.

Bellibrook’s Books is nowhere near flashy enough to be part of the Wizarding District. The exterior’s paint is peeling, and the interior is just as shabby. She pushes the door open to the smell of sweet, musty-smelling books, a tingling bell announcing her arrival. Jadis—Tina’s supervisor—stands behind the counter, ringing up a customer. Tina runs a hand through her hair, wishing she had decided to put on makeup that day. She’d forgotten Jadis was working this shift.

“Have a nice day,” Jadis says as she hands the customer his purchase. The man leaves, and Tina approaches the counter.

“Hi, Tina! How was the wedding yesterday?”

Jadis was a few years ahead of Tina at Ilvermorny, so they didn’t meet until Tina applied at Bellibrook’s. Jadis had interviewed her for the job, her welcome laugh, and bewitching blue eyes a distraction to Tina as she blundered her way through the interview questions.

“It was great. We all had a ball,” Tina responds, pinning her nametag to her blouse.

Jadis narrows her eyes at Tina’s face.

“You have an eyelash on your cheek.”

Tina’s purses her lips; wipes under her left eye.

“No, the other cheek.”

Jadis’s tinkling laugh follows Tina’s next attempt.

“Here, I’ll help you.”

Tina feels her cheeks heat as Jadis’s cold fingers gently touch her face. Her hand pulls away, eyelash held between two fingers.

“Thanks,” Tina mumbles.

“Make a wish!”

Tina blinks stupidly.

“What?”

“Now, you make a wish while I blow it away.”

The only wish Tina can think of is the wish to stop blushing. The eyelash flutters out of Jadis’s hand.

The bell jingles, and Jadis is at full attention, ready to help a new customer. Tina clears her throat and mutters something about tidying shelves.

***

She has never been able to explain this part of herself; this part that feels fluttery around pretty women and hibernates when she’s in the presence of men.

She learned she did not want to kiss boys after playing a game of spin the bottle at some point in her third year at Ilvermorny.

She went on one date with a man when she was twenty, and it was fine. They made small talk. He was nice. She sensed his eagerness to kiss her while they stood in front of her apartment building, but she said goodnight before he could.

She continues to turn down every blind date Aunt Beatrice offers to set up.

She puzzles over the relationships around her, the easy attraction all women seem to feel for men.

She tries not to think about what this part of herself—this attraction to women—means.

***

Tina is halfway through her shift when Jadis approaches her in the astronomy section, the look on her face stopping Tina mid-dust.

“What’s wrong?”

Jadis checks over her shoulders to see if anyone is listening. Tina mirrors her. 

“I just talked to Mr. Bellibrook.” Jadis lets out a long breath. “We’re going out of business.”

The dirty rag falls from Tina’s hands to the floor. She leaves it there.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean ‘out of business’?”

Tina has never seen Jadis frown until now.

“That new bookstore in the District—Jabberwocky Novels. It’s become really popular. Mr. Bellibrook said it’s because it has a better location, you know? And they’ve got lower prices.”

Tina locates the closest armchair and sinks into it. Jadis plays with her long blond hair, lips pursed.

“So we’re going to lose our jobs,” Tina says, her knee bobbing up and down with anxiety.

Jadis nods.

They’re quiet for a while, processing the news as they listen to the muffled voice of Mr. Bellibrook talking on the phone in his office.

“I guess it’s alright for me. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend is going to propose soon, so I won’t need this job then,” Jadis says.

Tina stares at the floor, unable to respond. Her mind is screaming in panic, racing to figure out a solution, all of it culminating into a headache. Uncle Jimmy’s words come floating back to her, mocking her for her naiveté. Changing, changing, changing, everything changing. She clenches the arms of the chair.

“Tina?” Jadis’s voice sounds far away. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have told you today. We’re not closing until next month, but I just had to tell someone.”

Tina takes a deep breath. She clears her throat.

“No, um, thank you for warning me. I just need to sit here for a minute.”

Eventually, they both go back to work, a sense of disappointment permeating the store.

***

Tina eats another chicken salad sandwich for dinner.

She lets Persephone out to hunt.

She sprawls out on the couch.

She listens to an Elvis record.

And she sings along, belting as loud as she can.

_Well, it's one for the money_

_Two for the show_

_Three to get ready_

_Now go, cat, go_

_But don't you_

_Step on my blue suede shoes_

_Well, you can do anything_

_But stay off of my blue suede shoes_

The telephone screams at her to shut up.

She lets it ring.

_You can burn my house_

_Steal my car_

_Drink my liquor_

_From an old fruit jar_

_Well, do anything that you want to do_

_But uh-uh, honey, lay off of my shoes_

The telephone rings again. She’s about to throw it under the couch before she realizes it could be Queenie calling. She stops the music.

“Hello?”

“Teen?” Queenie’s voice crackles through the phone.

“Yeah?”

“Hi! Did you just get home from work?”

Never before has Tina been so grateful that Legilimency doesn’t work over the telephone. Queenie doesn’t need to be bothered with her problems.

“Um, yeah. How’s the honeymoon?”

“Amazing! I can’t tell you all about it now, ‘cause we’re going out to dinner in a few minutes. I just wanted to call and let you know we arrived safely, and Jacob and I are so grateful for your help with the wedding. Was everything fine after we left?”

“Everything was great.”

“Good! I want to talk more, but I have to go! Say hi to Persephone for me! Love you, Teen!”

“Love you!”

Tina hangs up and stares at the kitchen, the empty cage, the newspaper she left on the table in the morning. How could one day have turned out so glum?

She cleans the dishes by hand; watches the bubbles pop. It feels good to clean even though her head throbs and she should rest. Her fingers close over _The New York Ghost_ , prepared to throw it away.

But then, her attention is caught by an advertisement she didn’t notice before.

A begrudging smile crosses her face.

There are teaching positions available at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song referenced: "Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Presley

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I will try to update soon, but it may be a while as I am currently working, going to school, and writing my own original poems and stories. Thanks again and feel free to comment/leave kudos! :)


End file.
